The Ferris Wheel

I hit the boards at Seaside Heights,

not the surfboards, but the boardwalk.

Surfboarding-

-ugh-

too fearful to try it.

I was wondering what I could do

to allay some of my fears,

namely my fear of heights.


I came across the ferris wheel 

at  Casino Pier.

I looked up to the tippy-top.

It may as well be One Conservatory in NYC.

“Too high.” was my immediate thought

as my stomach turned upside down

doing flip flops and cartwheels within me.


In my mind, I scanned

the top view of the ferris wheel 

looking out over the ocean.

I imagined it toppling into the sea 

Like it did during hurricane Sandy.

Then, I imagined drowning in the ocean below.


The sky looked sunny enough,

clear not a cloud in sight.

I was without excuse.

I found myself

walking in the direction of the ticket booth

with cash in hand.


“What if I throw out my back?”

That was my next thought.

“This is not a roller coaster, stupid!”

I chastised myself.


I slowly handed over my money 

to  the cashier.

She smiled at me reassuringly.

Like she was telling me that nobody else died

riding on  this ferris wheel.


I wanted,

I needed to prove to myself 

that I could do this

without vomiting.

So, I allowed the park worker to

lock me securely into 

the next open seat.


“I can do this, I  can do this…” 

I kept muttering to myself.

Someone must have heard me

because I heard some giggles

behind me.

An adult man was herding two youngsters 

onto the seat below me.


“I CAN DO THIS!”  I knew

better to think to myself.


The ride started,

up, up, up, up.

Not so bad.

I can deal with this.


Then at the top we stopped.

I made the mistake of looking down.

I got a surge of courage and stuck out

my arms like the wings of an eagle.

I willed my eyes to remain open  as 

the ferris wheel started 

its drop downward.


I ignored the drop in my stomach.

It was absolutely exhilarating.

It made the ride back up to the top 

much easier.


At the bottom when I finally disembarked,

I got over my fear of heights.

I didn’t have think about it, 

or overthink it,

but truly experience it for myself.

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